The Difference Between Having Thick Skin And Armor At Work & Why Leaders Need To Have Thick Skin But Lose The Armor
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One of the things I talk about in my new book, Leading With Vulnerability, is the importance of having thick skin, especially if you are or want to be in a position of leadership. However thick skin and armor are not the same thing.
There’s an assumption that armoring up means not showing emotion but that’s not entirely true. Armoring up also means avoiding situations and circumstances that would require you to show any emotion or be human to begin with. Some leaders do this by shutting down difficult conversations, avoiding certain topics, or using their power and authority to get others to bend to their will without questioning authority. Bad leaders never take the hits because they don’t even put on the uniform to join their team on the field. Great leaders take the hits for their people and keep charging everyone towards the end zone. That’s what having thick skin is all about.
Armor is heavy and uncomfortable and if you wear it all the time it will exhaust and drain you which is exactly what happened to Penny Pennington, the CEO of Edward Jones, a financial services firm with over 50,000 employees.
Here’s what Penny shared with me and below we will take a look at more at what thick skin means and why it’s so crucial for leaders today, especially if you want to lead with vulnerability.
“I have at different points in my life, felt that armoring up and putting up a facade of strength and invulnerability and knowing all the answers was the right thing to do. Upon reflection and living that way, what I found was that I wasn’t as happy. It takes a lot of energy to armor up. You also don’t release yourself fully to creativity and to joy and to being a part of a learning journey. As a leader, when you armor up, you also send a signal to everyone around you that they ought to armor up too.”
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There’s never been a harder time to be a leader. Your words and decisions are constantly scrutinized and things you say and do can easily get taken out of context. Meanwhile your employees and the communities you serve want you to take a stance on difficult issues and they expect you to…well…lead!
There’s a great scene in the show Boardwalk Empire when Steve Buscemi’s character Nucky Thompson is talking to Bobby Canivale’s character Gyp Rosetti. Nucky says, “I learned a long time ago, not to take things personally.” To which Gyp responds, “Everyone’s a person, though, right? So how else could they take it?”
Thick skin means you are willing and able to participate in tough conversations, you can handle feedback and even criticism and focus on what can be learned, you’re on the field with your people. It also means you have the capacity to truly listen to what people are telling you. Armor, on the other hand, means you are constantly walking around like a bullet-proof tank where you command and control and shut down difficult conversations. As you ascend the vulnerability mountain you will fall and get bruised and banged up. Having thick skin protects you from getting seriously hurt but having armor weighs you down and doesn’t allow you to even begin the journey.
Another CEO I interviewed (who asked to remain anonymous) of a wellness franchise with over 30,000 employees first got into her role, there was a lot of tension between corporate and the franchisees who were not happy with various decisions being made. She needed to have candid and open conversations with her team members. She understood she needed to have thick skin but that if she went into these discussions with armor on, the relationships would just strain even further.
Here’s what she told me.
“I needed to have really thick skin because these conversations got really personal. There were times through finding our way to a better relationship where the trust wasn’t there yet, we hadn’t found our way far enough and things got pretty heated, and pretty personal. I couldn’t get angry, defensive, and shut down. I needed to show up, be present, and listen with an open mind and thick skin. I showed up to the conversations with optimism, positivity, and a vision for the future. Had I put armor on instead of thick skin, I would have put up a huge barrier between myself and the franchisees which would have really hurt the business. It’s been a couple of really challenging years, but we are building trust and really making progress which comes from the right words followed by the right actions.”
The past few years have been hard on all of us. We lost friends and family members during the pandemic. We are struggling to find our way in a turbulent economic and geopolitical landscape. We are faced with polarization that we have never experienced before. For several years many of us have lost the feeling of community and connection as we have worked in a purely virtual world. And we have experienced tragic social injustices and wars. All of these things happened at once which showed us the importance of having tough conversations at work and being there for each other…being human and vulnerable.
Leaders need to have thick skin but it’s time to lose the armor.
Leadership is evolving rapidly — are you keeping up? Each year, I engage with and analyze the insights of leading executives from companies like Microsoft, IBM, and Virgin Group, uncovering the strategies that drive their success. This exclusive PDF distills the top five leadership hacks used by these world-renowned leaders. Discover what sets these leaders apart and how you can apply their breakthrough tactics to elevate your leadership in 2024 and beyond.